The Enemy

The greatest enemy that I am constantly engaged in battle with is myself. As I record a history of this enemy that has haunted my dreams and reality since the day I was born, I’ve come to grips that this adversary won’t be simple to defeat. I recall a moment during the start of my 20’s when I sought out self-help books and YouTube videos that would somehow change my life (instantaneously). Needless to say, it was a temporary motivation fix that didn’t change anything about myself.

Keeping a journal on hand for several years now has been crucial in knowing my greatest enemy by exploring the roots that consume my soul. The enemy doesn’t care if you know its deepest weaknesses because it will always find some dirt on you and convince you otherwise that you’ll always be nothing. You’ll be reminded of how much of a failure you are and that nobody will ever love you. You can be passionate, optimistic, and hopeful about the future, but the enemy will convince you otherwise that you will somehow remain a failure. No matter how hard you try to improve yourself against the odds. The enemy will strike at you relentlessly when your life starts to improve.

The enemy has a goon squad that has the power to cripple and destroy a person’s spirit and enthusiasm in life. These menacing foes could be doubt, depression, anxiety, fear, intrusive thoughts, anger, guilt, regret, toxic shame, self-sabotaging behavior, etc. The goon squad has undoubtedly greater power over us, which can at times make us feel hopeless about our own future.

From personal experience, I was convinced for many years that I would never be loved by anyone because I believed that I was unworthy of love. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I believed in a dangerous myth. But more importantly, I have wonderful parents, siblings, and incredible friends that can make anyone feel like they are worthy of love.

We can think of a million things about ourselves as to why we ain’t jack. But what if we could see at least a few good things about ourselves? Would something miraculously happen to us? Would it be possible to defeat our greatest enemy in this life of ours?

-Rising Lionheart