“I define a ‘good person’ as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their ‘shadow’ – they know their weaknesses. In other words, they understand that there is no good without bad. Good and evil are really one, but we have broken them up in our consciousness. We polarize them.”

– John Bradshaw

Most recently, I’ve been spending time getting to know myself more. I do have a bit of a greater understanding of who I am as a person in my current state, yet I lack my vision of being the best version of myself. To keep it real, I’ve lived my life as a spineless weakling.

Being too much of a people pleaser, trying to do everything for others when I neglect my personal needs, and downplaying myself that elevates others. I lost sight of living my life authentically because I feared being alone. I feared that people wouldn’t like the super nerd who is passionate about superheroes, animation, deep conversations, art, personal development, film, pop culture history, etc.

I’ve wasted my whole life trying to fit in, and I realized I lost the best version of myself just for the sake of being loved by the majority. I have become a certified “nice guy” to my own detriment. There’s a difference between being a”nice guy” vs. a “good man.” Being a nice guy is a people pleaser who doesn’t stand up for his own beliefs, values, and himself while presenting himself as a flawless character. I’ve learned this fact from Robert A. Glover through his book No More Mr. Nice Guy.

On the other hand, being a good man from what I’ve learned from fictional characters like Aragorn, Samwise, King Théoden, Son Goku, Piccolo, Gohan, Superman, Uncle Iroh, Spider-Man, Captain America, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan), The Flash, Kenshiro, Toki, Luke Skywalker, and Rocky Balboa is that they’re men of integrity. They represent the idea of honor, self-respect, compassion, men of action, courage, limit breakers, honesty, truth, justice, self-confidence, kindness, selflessness, never giving up, personal growth (mind, body, and spirit), and loving others through one’s actions.

Those characters reminded me of the best qualities of what it means to be a good man. Stories like these are reminders to never lose sight of becoming the best version of yourself. Nobody should ever resort to being a complete jerk with low standards because it’s the easiest path to walk. The best path anyone should pursue is the path of integrity with the good morals and values that come with it. We should aspire to live a righteous life that will help transform us into better men and women.

Living as the persona of a nice guy is something that some men struggle with because we lose sight of what it means to be a strong man who represents the good of humanity. Being a nice guy is not a good trait to carry when it stems from fear, and trying to diminish one’s humanity to gain the majority’s approval.

I believe being a good man is most needed in this world. Seeing all the chaos of today’s world is sickening to my stomach. As men, we should aspire to be better warriors, healers, fathers, husbands, builders, friends, and kings to those we love. Society has failed us deeply on what it means to be a man, and it’s time we learned to be better individuals for the sake of integrity, truth, justice, compassion, and hope.

God bless you and let’s not lose sight of our dreams and goals.