Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of the errors of my way. How I see myself, how I view the world and people in it, listening to conflicting voices, and sometimes making poor choices. It’s like there’s a war without no end in my heart.

I feel sad at times, thinking back to my childhood. To feel ignorantly bliss about the world and having less knowledge about it. Seeing the grass in my backyard whither away through the passage of time made me realize how my life is fading away.

It’s a very depressing thought knowing I won’t live forever even though as a child I believed that I was invincible. So much of my thoughts these days have been of self-reflection and traveling through different time periods of my life. The good, bad, and ugly moments.

I don’t know if I am depressed or something. It’s hard to tell these days when I am laser focused on establishing myself. Maybe my story may have a good ending to it as I learn to open up about my struggles.

Having a restless spirit to be something and somebody more for the majority of my life has been my bane. I have a hard time realizing how great I’ve had it. A roof over my head, great people in my life, being a uncle, and finally seeing great opportunities come my way.

Yet deep down, I still feel empty. I don’t know if anyone could relate with me on this but I feel like I am missing something deep. I don’t have a clear enough answer on what I seek and that’s okay. All I need is a Golden Compass to lead me to where the dreams, self-esteem, self-love, and self-confidence had died out many years ago.

I am sure something will make sense when I find the right destination on where I am meant to be. Someday.